The Highwayman! Oy!

Ah, the good 'ol days. The days when you could build an entire network show around a vehicle. Airwolf... Knight Rider... even the Dukes of Hazzard. If a writer came into a network office today pitching a show like that, he'd get laughed out of the room faster than you could say "General Lee."

But in the 80s, vehicle shows were all the rage. No "you've been voted off the island" here; instead, it was all about horsepower, lasers and talking cars. And amidst all of the big movers and shakers of the genre, there existed a short-lived thunder-ball of fresh cheese called "The Highwayman."

OK, so get this: Fast forward to post-apocalyptic America. Society is in a shambles, and getting back on it's feet. Oh, and apparently, everyone seems to live in the midwest near Phoenix. Anyway, the federal government has appointed a team of federal marshals to "right wrongs where ordinary laws do not reach," and to transport secret stuff around. That being said, this team drives around in a huge 18-wheeler loaded with a bazillion rocket launchers, guns, and a secret, detachable helicopter. Whoo hoo!

The team itself was made up of such stellar actors as Sam J. Jones (aka "Flash Gordon"), Jane Badler ("Diana" from the awesome "V" series), Tim Russ ("Tuvok" from the train wreck called "Star Trek Voyager")... and last but not least, the "big" draw of the show: JACKO.

Mark "Jacko" Jackson was a former Aussie football player who ignited the screen in the late 80's as the extremely painful spokesman for Energizer batteries: Each commercial ending with his charming "OY!" Apparently, a network executive felt that this was just enough dramatic training to qualify him to sit shotgun in televised, bizarro "Mad Max."

Well, the public didn't think so. The show lasted a mere 10 episodes, and was never heard from again. Some conjecture that the show WAS good, but the writer's strike at the time halted production, and then made it next to impossible to ressurrect the show later. However, common sense tells us that a show about a couple of dumbasses and a battery spokesman riding around in Mack truck armed with warheads wouldn't have survived in the soon-to-come "Nirvana" era. In short, the death of this show was quick and merciful.

And what of Jacko? That's a mystery for another day. But we can only hope he hasn't been spit out the bottom of the Austrailan porn industry. Oy!

Still hungry for more Highwaymen? Check the IMDB
You can also find more at Sci Fi 2k or Whom.uk
You can also check out an old Jacko Energizer commercial here

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Bertie Higgins Sails Away to Key Largo

If you've ever been in a dentist's waiting room, you've undoubtedly heard the soft-rock strains of the infectious hit "Key Largo." You know the one: "We had it all/Just Like Bogie and Bacall." As you sit there reading this, you KNOW you're humming it. It's OK... we won't tell.

What you may or may not know is that artist responsible for this great slice of 80's pop is not who you might expect. Most people think it's the ever-popular Kenny Rogers or some other bearded wonder. But NO! Mr. Rogers would never lower himself to writing a sappy, melodramatic ball of cheese later heard in elevators... ok maybe he would, but that's not the point. The point is, that "Key Largo" is the work of none other than one Bertie Higgins.

Bertie who? True--there may have been a time when this guy wanted to legally change his last name to "who," but the name is Bertie Higgins. Truth be told, Mr. Higgins had a fairly forgettable career in the 70's as a member of the band "the Roemans"--a fantastic play on words, considering the lead was some guy named Roe. After the band broke up (we're guessing that it wasn't because they were TOO successful), Mr. Higgins moved back home to Florida, where he churned out a few albums that no one ever saw or heard of. However, all that changed in 1982.

Don't call it a comeback! In '82, Higgins released a dripping-with-cheese soft rock album called "Another Day in Paradise." A cross between Jimmy Buffett, post-1980 Doobie Brothers and 1,000 packets of sweet-n-low, the album was anchored by a song about living in a 1940's movie. That song was "Key Largo."

Ah, Key Largo. "We had it all," the song says. And for a brief moment in time (and many Musak tapes throughout time), Bertie Higgins had it all. The song hit 8 on the pop single chart, and a dazzling number 1 on the adult contempo charts. It's lyrics were indicative of a strange obsession Higgins had with 1940's films. (Another song on the album is called "Casablanca."). Unfortunately, the pop landscape of the early 80's was not really the best place for references for 40-year-old films.

The fickle 80's didn't keep Higgins around for too long. By the time he released his second single form the album, Bertie was fading from the public consciousness faster than Michael Dukakis. By the late 80's, Bertie's claim to fame was simply being a strange visual amalgam of Michael McDonald and Dan Fouts.

In 1994, Higgins released a feeble attempt at a best-of CD, but it was much too late. (Plus, CD's are usually more than one track, unless you're King Crimson). C'est La Vie, Bertie. The 80's giveth and then they take it away. But for a brief moment in time, Bertie Higgins "had it all." Here's hoping he had as much groupie sex as humanly possibly while it lasted.

- To find out more about Bertie Higgins, you can visit his homepage
- If you want to get your hands on "Another Day in Paradise," check out Amazon.com
- If you have iTunes, you can hear more here

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Transformers: Perceptor

Anyone who wasn't living under a rock in the 80's knows about the Transformers. In fact, by 1986, they transcended cartoons, comics and toys to become a worldwide phenomenon. Exaggeration? Consider this: Of all the toy-based cartoons from the 80s, how many not only survived for 20 years, but thrived--spawning at least 3 new series and an upcoming feature film? Not too many (That means YOU, Smurfs). We'll leave the main discussion/breakdown of the beloved Transformers series for a later date. For now, let's meet one of the more obscure members: PERCEPTOR.

For those of you who need a refresher course, the Transformers were a race of robots living on the rather bleak planet Cybertron. The race was made up of two opposing forces: The Autobots (read: good guys) and the Decepticons (bad guys). Long story short, the two groups were running low on the resource that keeps them alive: Energon. Luckily for them, another source was found--on Earth. So, the Autobots and Decepticons traverse the galaxy, crash land on Earth, and duke it out for piece of Energon they can find. The rest is history.

So who's this Perceptor and why was this toy cool? OK, well, every Transformer toy was cool, so that should be enough for you. Ah, but here's the difference with this guy: He was actually functional. Sure, all the other Transformers could turn into guns, planes and cars--but what kid wants that? Some smart dudes in Japan and at Hasbro decided to make sure at least ONE of the toys was educational (apparently working with motor and hand-eye skills wasn't enough), and Perceptor was born.

So who is he? An Autobot scientist with a specialization in metallurgy and a penchant for over-analyzing everything. When not lumbering around and kicking ass as a robot, Perceptor spent his time as a really huge microscope (how's that for an oxymoron?). As you might expect, his toy version actually changed into a "working" microscope as well, allowing children to enjoy the rich world of dead bugs and dust balls on a daily basis.

But before we get too excited, Mr. Perceptor's lenses weren't exactly up to "electron microscope" standards. Truth be told, you could probably get a better image by smashing your mom's good dinnerware and holding it about 2 inches from your subject. But, hey--let's give those manufacturers an "A" for effort! Sure, you ended up with a fairly useless scientific tool, but, rest assured, that blurry scope doubled as a damn big laser cannon when Perceptor rocked out in his 'bot form.

As you might expect, your average toy store didn't sell quite as many Perceptors as they did Optimus Primes, Megatrons or Starscreams. In fact, we're fairly certain Perceptor might have been outsold by 20 year old hula hoops. But our obscure Autobot friend can hold his head high and know that, while he may be quite lame, he is by no means forgotten. Here's to you, Perceptor--you were definitely 'more than meets the eye."

- For more information on the Transformers, visit the Transformers Wiki
- If you want to buy a classic G1 Japanese Perceptor, TF Source sells an mint-in-box version.

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Make Yourself Comfortable!

So--you must be asking yourself, "what the heck is this all about?"

Well, it's simple. I'm a huge fan of the 80's. It was the central decade of my youth (along with the early 90s)... The decade which contained many of my formative years: those years when most of us choose our favorite friends, favorite bands, favorite movies and various regrettable clothing selections.

But the 80s were great for other, more "intangible" reasons... It was a time of relative informational innocence: No internet, no websites, no 'everyone-knows-everything-about you,' no reality TV, no DNA technology, no (usable) cell phones, no PDAs, no satellite TV, and only ONE all-news network. It was the decade that psychologically bridged the gap between the laid-back, free-love 70's to the information-overload/angst-ridden 90's. Post disco and pre-grunge, if you will.

Yes, the 80s were rife with negative monikers: the decade of overspending and excess, the 80s saw its share of turmoil and newsworthy peaks and valleys. But before we get caught up in that, remember this: this site is meant to offer up warm and tasty servings of pop-culture goodness, NOT news stories to make you cringe and/or fill with bile.

This is NOT a site where you'll find a long diatribe about Reaganomics or an essay on foreign policy. If you're looking for that, there are plenty of other sources on the web willing to dish it out. What you WILL find is the occasional rambling about fat shoelaces, postings about RUN-DMC, and recollections of the SMURFS. The site is meant to be a springboard for reminiscing; a starting point for a possible journey all over the net, as you wile away normally productive hours searching for more information on things like Debbie Gibson and the A-Team.

Yours truly will do his best to update this site as often as possible--but the benefit of having a blog about the 1980s is that no entries are really "time sensetive." I mean, you can enjoy hearing about a particular episode of "Bosom Buddies" on any day, right? Translation: don't expect 10 posts a day, every day. Some of us DO have day jobs.

Now that we've gotten the formalities out of the way, it's time to get this show on the road. Here's hoping you'll enjoy reading about the 80s as much as us lucky people have had living through them!

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